In the last lesson, we talked about two life-changing benefits of developing real self-awareness:

It helps you focus on the real problem.
It keeps you from becoming a bullshitter — especially with yourself.

But there’s a third benefit.One so foundational and transformative that it deserves its own spotlight.

This one doesn’t just improve your day-to-day functioning…It has the potential to completely reshape your life.

**Self-awareness is the only way to uncover your real identity.**

Now, you might be thinking, “Okay, sure, but I already know who I am.”And yeah — on the surface, you probably do.

You’ve got a general sense of your personality, your preferences, your values. You’ve lived your whole life in your own head — of course you think you know who you are.

But I’m here to tell you:You’ve been fooled...again.

It’s like that old phrase:

“You can’t see the forest for the trees.”

You’re so close to your own day-to-day behaviors, so familiar with your preferences and quirks, that they blend together and feel like a complete picture.

But really? You’re just staring at trees. You don’t see the whole system. You don’t see the pattern.

And more importantly — you don’t question it. Because the mind loves predictability. It loves labeling things and locking them into place.

That’s why it builds identities — so it doesn’t have to re-process the same information every day.

“I’m this kind of person.”“I don’t do that.”“I’ve always been this way.”

Those ideas become armor. And sometimes, they become chains.

How a Sandwich Calls Your Bluff

Let me show you what I mean with a silly — but sneakily deep — example.

This is a story about Bob.

When Bob was a kid, he didn’t like the taste of green foods — no broccoli, no peas, no spinach. Somewhere along the way, it became a thing.

His family teased him. His parents tried to get him to eat greens, then gave up. They started joking that he was the “no green kid.” It was funny and the lighthearted attention started to make Bob feel special.

As he got older, the bit stuck. Friends teased him. Coworkers joked about it. Bob leaned in and “owned it.”

He even started avoiding green altogether — wouldn’t wear it, made it a whole personality trait.

He got vanity license plates that said “NOGREEN.”

People threw him joke birthday parties decorated in green just to roast him.

It was all in good fun, but over time the joke became true in Bob’s eyes.

Then one day, at a sports bar, Bob ordered a chicken bacon club — not realizing it came with a big helping of guacamole.

He took a bite and couldn't figure out why it was the best tasting sandwich of his life.

He looked down, saw green oozing out of the bread and thought: Wait… do I actually like this?

Now that story isn't just about guacamole.

It illustrates the contrast between "what is real", and "the reality we create".

And here's the sad part: Now Bob has a decision to make. Does he accept the fact that his "no green" identity is bullshit, or does he tear down this image that took him a lifetime to create?

What would you do in this situation?

Because I can tell you what most people would do if their primary identity trait was challenged...

They’d deny it.

They’d either pretend they didn’t enjoy it or come up with some excuse to preserve the identity they’ve worked so hard to protect.

Because admitting you might not be the “no green” guy anymore? It means rewriting a story you’ve been telling for years.It means no more "you"!

And that is terrifying.

But Guess What? It Never Was Who You Really Were

Now… imagine that same situation, but instead of guacamole, it’s your career.Or your life philosophy.Or the kind of relationship you’re capable of being in.Or the limits you’ve placed on your potential.

What happens when your reality — or your possibility — comes into conflict with the version of yourself you’ve built?

What if the only thing standing between you and the best experience of your life… is a lie you’ve been telling yourself to protect your image?

And what if you don’t even realize it’s a lie, or that it even exists?

That’s the trap.

You’re Not Being Honest — You’re Being Consistent

Most people don’t cling to false identities because they’re arrogant.They do it because they’re scared — even if they don't know it.

There’s comfort in consistency.
There’s safety in predictability.

Once people know you for something — even something small — it’s tempting to double down on it.

You start "performing" your identity instead of living your truth.

You tell the same stories. You keep the same habits. You avoid anything that might challenge the box you’ve built for yourself — even if it means cutting yourself off from joy, growth, or connection.

And after a while… it’s not even a performance anymore.

You become the act.

The Identity That Traps You

The danger here isn’t just that other people don’t know the “real” you.It’s that you don’t either.

You’ve built an identity around quirks, traits, and preferences — many of which were shaped by random childhood moments, emotional reactions, or subconscious defense mechanisms.

That’s not a “soul-level” truth.That’s just conditioning.

You say:

“I’m not a people person.” → You got rejected once in third grade.
“I’m not creative.” → Your art teacher gave you a C-minus.
“I’m not a leader.” → You froze up during one speech in high school.

These moments happen. They’re painful. And your brain — trying to keep you safe — stamps a big ol’ “DO NOT ENTER” sign on the door.

And over time? You stop even checking if the sign still applies.

You just accept it as part of who you are.

Here’s What That Costs You

If you don’t question the story of "who you are", you’re going to spend your whole life trying to build a fulfilling life on top of a false identity.

You’ll set goals that don’t actually matter to you.
You’ll chase dreams that were never really yours.
You’ll get stuck in patterns that feel familiar — even when they’re toxic.

And worst of all?

You’ll deny yourself the chance to change… because you’re too busy protecting a version of yourself that was never fully real to begin with.

Let that sink in.

What If Your Personality Is Just a Butterfly Effect?

This part really messed with my head the first time I saw it clearly. Because here’s the truth:

So much of what you think makes you "you" could’ve gone completely differently if you had just woken up five minutes later one morning.

One random moment. One change in timing. One different reaction from a parent, or a teacher, or a friend. One missed bus. One poorly timed joke. One person who wasn’t in the mood to smile that day.

That’s all it takes to begin building a wall that defines you — a wall that might have never gone up if something slightly different had happened.

Think about it: If a tiny shift in timing can shape your whole identity, then a lot of what feels “set in stone” about you might not be as fixed as you think.

Loretta Graziano Breuning gives a perfect example of this in her book Habits of a Happy Brain.

In one chapter, Loretta talks about how surprisingly excited she felt while decorating her home — and how that emotion seemed disproportionate compared to the task and other things she enjoyed doing. Being a Psychologist, she liked to explore little curiosities like this within herself, so she began unpacking why.She traced it back to a rare moment in childhood where she and her mother shared a warm, bonding experience while decorating. It was one of the only times she felt close to her emotionally. And her brain, hungry for that connection, wired that moment in deeply.What she realized was kind of shocking: all those years later, her love for decorating wasn’t about aesthetics — it was her brain chasing the emotional high of being seen and loved by her mom.

And then she said something powerful:

Her happy chemical pathways were just “accidents" rather than "eternal truths.”

That hit me hard.

What she thought was a fundamental part of her personality — something that felt real and defining — was actually just a random emotional event that her brain latched onto.

It wasn’t destiny. It wasn’t deep truth. It was conditioning.

You Are Allowed to Change

When I read that, I damn near wept.

It felt like someone finally gave me permission to question who I was — not in a "mid-life crisis", "burn-it-all-down" kind of way, but in a freeing way. A healing way.

Maybe I’m not this fixed character I’ve been dragging around for decades.Maybe I’m not “bad at relationships” or “just not a leader” or “the guy who never finishes anything.”

Maybe those aren’t the "eternal truths" I always believed they were — maybe they’re just emotional reflexes built from random moments that got repeated enough to feel real.

That changed everything for me.

Because if these patterns were just accidents…

Then I’m allowed to stop obeying them.I’m allowed to question them.I’m allowed to explore who I am outside of this "identity" I created.

Who Am I Without the Bullshit?

So I started asking myself:

“If this isn’t who I am… who do I want to be?”

Suddenly, it was like I had a blank slate. A fresh canvas.I didn’t have to play the “no green” guy anymore — metaphorically or otherwise.

I didn’t have to avoid things I might love just to stay consistent with a version of myself that honestly… I didn’t even choose.

I didn’t have to keep making life choices to protect the image of myself that I thought other people were expecting.

How This Fits In With Your ADHD

With ADHD, those random moments that influence who we become don’t just leave impressions — they get amplified.

The guilt and shame cut deeper, and the little hits of joy shine brighter, because both stand in such sharp contrast to the noise we live with every day.

Over the years, your identity bends around those extremes.

Parts of you get hidden, exaggerated, or even invented — not because they’re your real self, but because they either helped you dodge shame or gave you a burst of relief when you needed it most.

The trouble is, when enough of those protective layers and false highs stack up, it’s almost impossible to see where you end and the ADHD reactions begin.

And when you can’t see that clearly, no wonder it feels impossible to make real progress — you’re trying to build your life on top of things that were never solid to begin with.

Why This Is the First Step to Presence

Before you can feel peace — real, lasting presence — you have to clear away the static.

And the static here is all those false, outdated, or fear-built pieces of identity you’ve been dragging along.

When you start to find your true self — the you that isn’t just reacting to shame, fear, or old stories — you suddenly free up so much mental and emotional energy.

You let go of what’s been weighing you down, and you learn to hold tighter to what actually serves you.

It’s like switching from hauling a hundred-pound backpack to carrying just a water bottle and a map.

That’s when presence becomes possible — because you’re no longer spending every ounce of energy just hauling the baggage.

You’ve made room for clarity.

Your Low-Barrier Action for Now

Here’s all I want you to do at this stage:

Just start noticing the parts of yourself that might be there because of guilt, shame, or old coping mechanisms.
What things in your life should you be questioning? Where did the way you feel about them originate?
When you spot one, don’t judge it and don’t try to “fix” it yet — simply make a mental note: “Hmm, maybe this isn’t the truest version of me.”

This isn’t about turning your life upside down in a week.

It’s about slowly peeling back the layers so you can start allowing yourself to decide who you are without the filter of your past.

Where We’re Going Next

This right here — the moment you begin to see yourself more clearly — is the first real step toward peace and presence.

You’ve just eliminated one of the biggest roadblocks to living with confidence that you’re on the right path.

And in the next lesson, I’m going to walk you through exactly how to do this in a more intentional way, using a tool I call “The Observer.”

This is where things get really practical — and where you’ll start to actually feel the weight lifting.

Lesson 2 – Who Would You Be Without All The Bullshit

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