Wow! I know, the last lesson was a lot to take in. I hope it got you thinking.

And if it did, then I already know what your next question is: “Okay… If I'm not who I think I am, then who the hell am I?”

Well, that’s exactly what this lesson is about.

To answer the question, here’s the best starting point I can give you: Each day work on being the best version of yourself possible — for that day.

I know it sounds like some thing you'd see slapped on a coffee mug, but if you do it they way I tell you, you'll feel bullet proof.

First off that doesn’t mean eating better, going to the gym, or repeating affirmations into the mirror.

What it means is:

Getting brutally honest with yourself
Practicing self-awareness
And choosing to build up the people around you instead of relying on them to prop up your bullshit identity.

Bottom line: It means stop being an asshole that has to be right all of the time.

If you want to find out who you are, you need to start learning something new about yourself every day.

Which means you have to be open and curious. You have to start questioning all of the pre-conceived notions you believe are true about you.

You might not know the full picture of the “real you” yet — but this is a universal foundation for a better life. It's the primary function I use every day, with everything I do, and you can’t go wrong using it.

Let's take a quick self assessment

I want you to pause for a second and really try to be vulnerable. Drop the armor and answer honestly:

When was the last time you admitted you were wrong? And I don’t mean forgetting someone’s name and apologizing out of embarrassment. I mean a real disagreement or belief you later realized wasn’t right.

For now, it’s not about whether you told the other person — it’s about whether you told yourself.

If you can say, “Yeah, I’m not great at that,” then guess what? You’ve just become the best version of "you" in that moment.

Because you were honest.

You learned something you "know is true" about yourself.

It wasn't "told" to you by someone else, or "programmed" in to you by something that happened.

It was an admission of a shortcoming — a truth only "you" could know about yourself

Congrats!

That’s how change starts. That's how you find the "real you".You keep becoming better by searching, uncovering, and living the truth.

Start Watching Yourself from the Outside

Okay, so here's the important part: Did you happen to catch the process by which we came to find this new "truth" about ourselves?

In your quest to learn new things by asking yourself questions — and answering them honestly — what you're doing is creating what I call an "observer".

Think of it like a mental camera that catches every thing you do and allows you to evaluate it as an objective 3rd party.

It’s a part of you that notices, in real time or right after, when you’ve done something that didn’t line up with who you want to be.

It's not for judgement. It's not for making you feel ashamed. It just says:“Hey, that happened. Let’s look at it.”

Here’s how to use it:Really start making an effort to be mindful of everything you do and think.

Every time you realize you just reacted in a way you wish you hadn’t — snapping at someone, making an excuse, defaulting to “Ego protection mode” — try to just simply be honest about it. No backstory. No defense.

“I interrupted three times during that conversation.”
“I made a sarcastic comment that landed wrong.”
“I avoided an email because I didn’t feel like dealing with it.”

And here's the trick: When this happens don't rationalize your behavior —accept it.

If you skip this step, guilt and shame will jump in and your ego will start rewriting the story to protect you — with excuses, blame, and half-truths.

By accepting and "owning it", you learn.

You can tell yourself, "It's okay, I know what I did and I'll try to do better".

Boom, you just did it again...the best you.

Why This Is the Skill That Changes Everything

For people with ADHD, this is gold.It’s the difference between being your reaction and noticing your reaction.And the more you notice, the more you can choose differently.

ADHD brains live in reaction mode.

We see something, feel something, or get triggered — and we’re already in motion before we even realize there was a choice to make.

Without an observer, there isn’t a choice. There’s just stimulus → response → on to the next thing.

An observer breaks that loop. It’s the split second that turns "autopilot" into "awareness" — and awareness into self-control.

You start to see that trying to control outcomes is a losing game — it rarely goes the way you plan. But you can control yourself: how you respond, how you think, how you act.

And when you reach the point where you’d rather have self-control than “get your way,” that’s when you’ve really won.

Here's Proof It Works

I’m not the only one who’s found this powerful. I once read about a psychologist who used the same concept with his patients — and the results blew me away.

To help them actually see themselves, he started video recording their sessions. After a few visits, he’d have each patient sit and watch.

When people saw how they spoke, how they behaved, and how wildly different their answers sounded compared to what they thought was happening in the moment, the reaction was almost always the same:“I can’t believe I said that.”“That sounds crazy when I hear it out loud.”

Thinking it in the moment felt rational. Seeing it from the outside changed everything. The doctor said patients made more progress in one session watching themselves than in years of traditional therapy.

Observing their own behavior let them begin to heal themselves.

And that’s the trick. We can all easily spot when someone else is making a mistake or being self-destructive — so you already know how to do this.

All you need to do is create a new objective part of yourself that does the same thing — only now, its you spotting it within...you.

How to Build Your Observer

Step 1: Start in the AftermathWhen you start observing your own behavior, you won’t catch yourself mid-reaction at first. You’ll only see it later — maybe an hour later, maybe that night when you’re lying in bed replaying something you didn't like or didn't go your way.That’s fine. This is where everyone starts.When you notice it, explore it. No excuse-making. No “but they started it.”Step 2: Take AccountabilityBegin looking only for things that you could have changed or done differently.Look, I know sometimes it really is someone else’s fault.But that’s not what we’re working on here.Even when another person is wrong, there’s usually still a way you could have handled it better. That’s what you’re trying to master — spotting what youcan control and improving that part.Step 3: Move Closer to Real TimeAs your observer gets stronger, you’ll start catching yourself in the moment.Maybe you’ll still react poorly — that’s okay. The win is hearing that inner voice say, “You’re doing it right now.”Step 4: Act on ItEventually, you’ll catch yourself early enough to choose differently on the fly. That’s when you know you're finding the real you.You’ll feel your ego relax and find pride in letting other people’s strengths stand without needing to defend yourself. That’s not weakness — it’s growth.You’re no longer protecting an identity that doesn’t serve you; you’re becoming the version of yourself you respect.

What Opens Up Next

Going down this path doesn’t just help you find who you are — it helps you feel good about that person.

That’s why working on being the best version of yourself each day matters so much. You don’t have to be perfect; you just have to keep moving toward better.

And that’s enough.

It’s the perfect stand-in for not being “there” yet in life. If you’re not where you want to be, at least you can feel the dignity of knowing you’re honestly doing your best — not in chasing success or money, but in becoming a better human.

That mindset has changed everything for me. Even when I face failures or unrealized potential, I can still say with certainty: I’m better today than I was.

I own when I’m wrong — proudly.I’m honest with myself, which helps me make better choices.I avoid hurting my future self.I try to be fair and consider others.

I’m not trying to sell myself as perfect — I'm far from it. (just ask my wife). But I’m also not sabotaging myself. And I don't engage in wilful self-destruction.

Life is hard enough as it is, the way to make it easier is to start building it on what is real and stop living the lie.

Lesson 3 – How To Stop The Failure “Doom Loop”

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