Be sure to stick this lesson out! It's long, but worth it.

Up to this point, we’ve gone deep into the concepts: self-awareness, shame and shadow work, surrender, targets instead of goals, manifesting, stillness. You’ve seen why they matter, how they work, and what they can unlock.

But concepts alone don’t change your life. Implementation does.

So in this lesson, I want to pull everything together by showing you how I’ve actually lived these ideas in my own life. Not as theory, not as abstract mindset shifts — but how I’ve implemented them and cleared a path to being more present as well as getting more of what I want out of life.

In this lesson, I’m not giving you more “what.” I’m giving you the “how.”

How self-awareness shaped me into someone real instead of someone hiding behind excuses.
How shadow work taught me to care for the hurting parts of myself instead of beating them down.
How surrender and direction freed me from goals that kept me chained to shame.
And how manifesting, paired with stillness, taught me to stop interfering and let life finally meet me halfway.

This is what it looks like to actually live the ADHD Thrive Method.

And my hope is that by walking you through the ways I’ve implemented these concepts, you’ll start to see how you can do the same — in your way, in your life, with your challenges.

Self-Awareness + The Observer: Owning Your Story Before It Owns You

One of the biggest reasons self-awareness has become a strength for me is because of the way I grew up with ADHD — completely undiagnosed.

Every setback, every shortcoming, even the bad behavior… it all came with consequences. And every time, I had two choices:

Own it and try to do better.
Or scramble for an excuse.

And let me tell you — excuses never got me anywhere. My teachers didn’t buy them. My parents didn’t accept them. The only thing that ever carried weight was when I owned my mistakes outright.

And here’s where it mattered: I noticed something. Owning up actually earned me respect. It earned me trust. And I realized I liked that feeling so much more than the hollow satisfaction of trying to always “be right.”

That’s when self-awareness stopped being just a way to figure out my problems. It became about who I wanted to be.

The Power of Being Real

For me, self-awareness is about being real and genuine — with myself and with other people.

It’s what allows me to say things like:

“I could be wrong, but…”
“Oh, I didn’t know that.”
“Hey, I’m not very good at this, but you are — can you help me?”

That last one especially — letting others in, letting them feel needed, and letting myself drop the mask of “I have it all figured out” — that’s changed my relationships more than almost anything else.

Because when people see the real you — not the performance, not the excuses, not the carefully curated “I’ve got this” image — that’s when they actually know you. And when they know you, they can love you.

The Observer — Guardrail for the ADHD Brain

Here’s where the Observer comes in.

Self-awareness helps me course-correct when I veer off path. The Observer helps me catch it even sooner — sometimes before I veer at all.

It’s that mental camera I can switch on in real time, stepping outside of myself just enough to hear the words I’m saying, watch the actions I’m taking, and ask:

“Is this effective?”
“Or am I just protecting my ego?”

That one skill alone has saved me from a mountain of unnecessary drama and detours.

The Courage to Own It

And here’s the deal — self-awareness and the Observer only work if you have the courage to actually own what you see.

That means replacing excuses with ownership. Not “Well, here’s why it wasn’t my fault.”

Just:“Hey, sorry, I f*cked up.”

That’s it. Clean. Honest. And powerful.

And if that’s not good enough for someone? If they can’t accept your honesty? Then they’re not your people. Let them go kick rocks.

Because here’s the truth: when you’re strong enough to admit your faults, you also earn the right to stand up for yourself.

Why This Matters

Self-awareness is foundational. It’s not just an ADHD skill — it’s a life skill.

If you did nothing else but train yourself to notice your own patterns, admit your mistakes, and fix what needs fixing, your life would change in ways you can’t even imagine.

Start spending most of your time in “observer mode.” Watch yourself. Hear yourself. Name what’s really happening.

And when you do? Eventually, you won’t have to course-correct so often. You’ll start making the right decisions from the start.

That’s when life gets lighter. That’s when presence opens up.

Because when you stop wasting energy on excuses and ego-protection, you suddenly have more energy for the life you actually want to live.

Shame + Shadow: Turning the Monster Into a Child

Like most of you, shame has been a constant companion in my life.

But there is such a thing as “good shame”.

When we’re kids, we throw a fit in public, everyone stares, we feel embarrassed — and that sting keeps you from doing it again.

In that sense, shame can shape us.

But the problem, for me, is when shame attaches itself to things you can’t help. Missed opportunities. ADHD slip-ups. Falling short of a potential that may not have even been realistic in the first place.

That’s the kind of shame that lingers.

Also, for me, it shows up physically as anxiety. A shameful thought enters my mind, my stomach tightens with butterflies, and suddenly my heart is pounding like it’s trying to escape my chest.

I hope you don’t have the same experience because it’s awful, but if you do — here’s how I’ve learned to deal with it.

Naming Shame for What It Is

First, I attack my shame by reminding myself: this is just a construct.

Just like I discussed before, most of my shame could be traced back to accidents or circumstances that could have gone differently. A teacher’s comment. A bad grade.A missed opportunity. If life had zigged instead of zagged, maybe none of it would’ve happened.

Why should something so random get to define me?

The other kind of shame I carry is from unmet potential — this fantasy version of me I thought I was supposed to become.

But here’s the truth: that “should be” version of myself? — I remember that It's made up too. Also based on random feedback, cultural noise, other people’s expectations.

And then I held myself hostage to it.

Now, I remind myself I don’t have to do that — the only standard that matters is being the best version of me right now.

Not the million-dollar me, not the perfect-parent me, not the flawless-productivity me. Just me, here, doing my best today.

Enter the Shadow

That realization was powerful enough. But I really put my shame to shame when I discovered the concept of the shadow and started applying shadow work.

My Self-awareness played a part here and helped me shine a light on the darker parts of myself, but shadow work taught me to stop fighting them. To stop treating them as proof I was broken.

Because those parts — the temper, the avoidance, the guilt — weren’t random flaws. They were scars from childhood moments I never asked for.

Trauma I didn’t cause. And when I saw them for what they were, I could finally forgive myself for having them.

Loving the Child Inside

The first time I really understood shadow work, I remembered myself at 7 years old, lying in bed crying because nothing I did ever felt good enough.

Replaying the angry voices that said:“You should know better.”“You should be ashamed of yourself.”“How many times do I have to tell you before you learn?”

And then I thought about my own daughter at that age. It would kill me If I knew she was suffering that way and what would I do about it if she was?

I’d scoop her up. Hold her tight. Tell her:“It’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect. Daddy understands. Let just try to be better — and I’ll love you no matter what.”

That’s when it clicked: When I see myself as that child, why don’t I give that same love and understanding?

So I started showing myself that kind of inner affection. Not indulgence. Not narcissism. Just forgiveness. Just understanding. The kind I would never hesitate to give to someone else — but had never thought to extend to myself.

Why This Clears the Path to Presence

That shift has made me whole. More complete. More forgiving. And as a result, I’m not constantly obsessing over where I “should” be or who I “should” be.

Instead, I’m free to focus on what’s right in front of me. To be more present without the constant pressure of expectation. To be productive not because I’m proving something, but because I actually can, now that I’m not dragging the weight of shame behind me.

So let me put it plainly: take care of that little kid inside you. They deserve it. They need it.

Acceptance is so much better than shame. And it doesn’t mean you stop wanting a better life. It just means the best way to get it is by being a better you — the real you, forgiven and loved, right now.

Surrender + Targets: Gratitude Makes Room for Presence

That story I told earlier — the day I was sitting in my car, spiraling in shame so deep I felt like I couldn’t climb out — that was truly a turning point in my life.

Because that day wasn’t just a breakdown. It was also the day I released shame, discovered the power of surrender, and finally let go of my lifelong obsession with goals.

I have never had a time in my life where the truth about so many things came into focus all at once.

And honestly? Letting go of those damn goals is what made the pieces all fall in place.

Why I Dropped Goalsetting

For decades, I’d been chasing this perfect image of myself — the wealthy success story, the guy who “made it.”

And it wasn’t that I didn’t believe in myself. I had a lifetime of belief that I was smart enough, creative enough, resilient enough. I knew my spirit was strong.

But here’s the thing I couldn’t accept: my brain wasn’t built for it.

At 49 years old, I’d lived long enough to finally admit the truth — ADHD was always going to keep me from winning that particular battle.

I had the drive, the creativity, the hunger… but not all the tools. It’s like being a hunting dog with the best nose in the world but missing a leg. The instinct is there, the will is there — but I can’t run the same race as everyone else.

I finally reached the point where living with the shame of not reaching the goal wasn’t worth continuing to reach it.

Because the goal was the fuel source for my shame, I realized the only way to kill it was to starve it to death.

How I Finally Surrendered

That day in the car, I finally surrendered.

I stopped demanding that my worth be measured by some far-off outcome. I stopped telling myself that my life only had meaning if I could hit that elusive finish line.

Here’s my mindset now:

Forgiveness — I forgive myself for letting go of those rigid goals and for not grinding my way to winning.
Pride — My idea of success now is in every small step forward. I feel good about myself in the “progress” I make, instead of waiting for “the big win”.

I want you to know, I haven’t given up. I'm just doing exactly what I taught you in the "letting go" lessons.

I have a direction instead of a goal.

I still want to achieve my financial success, but I no longer hang my self-worth on whether it happens.

So, I just work on something that heads me in that direction - not every day- but almost every day.

Gratitude Makes Room for Presence

Most of us look at our lives from the present forwards – “where am I going, what’s next?”

This completely illustrates how this thinking keeps you from the present moment – always thinking about where you “should” be.

Instead, what I’ve began doing is looking at my life from the present backwards and here’s why:

Looking forward only ever made me feel behind, inadequate, stressed, and disappointed — because all I saw were the things I hadn’t done yet.
Looking backwards lets me see my tangible accomplishments — the projects I’ve finished, the relationships I’ve nurtured, the progress I’ve made.

I hope that makes sense. Because if you can see it, you’ll realize you don’t have to live under the weight of constantly trying to fulfill expectations.

I’ve always said, “Gratitude makes room for presence.”

What that means is: When I stop punishing myself for what’s unfinished and start honoring what I’ve already done I’m grateful for it – I don’t feel behind and that automatically makes me feel present.

So, stop obsessing and beating yourself up over what you “haven’t” done.

Because what you “have” done is what deserves the most attention.

Why This Clears the Path to Presence

Surrender didn’t make me lazy. It made me free.

Targets didn’t lower my standards. They gave me a structure I could actually thrive in.

Together, surrendering to my future, and direction instead of goals shifted me from chasing to living. From shame to gratitude. From a future I could never catch to a present I can actually enjoy.

And here’s the irony: once I stopped the madness the progress and success started actually happening – it will for you too…if you let it.

Manifesting + Stillness: Stop Chasing, Start Allowing

For me, manifesting was the final nail in the coffin for eliminating my shame. Once I understood how it really works, it changed everything.

Now, let me be clear: I don’t spend hours visualizing some perfect future, or pretending I already have what I want. Those are major cornerstones in the Instagram-version of manifesting, but they’ve never resonated with me.

For me, manifesting is simpler — and honestly, more practical. It’s about making room for good things to enter my life.

That’s why I say manifesting is just a deeper form of letting go. It takes the whole idea to the next level.

My “practice” is basically this: I constantly remind myself not to get in the way of where life wants to take me.

The Truth I Can’t Deny

Do I still have specific things I want? Of course. But I’ve completely let go of trying to force them to happen.

Because here’s one of my strongest beliefs, born out of more than 30 years of experience:The harder you grind emotionally and mentally for something, the more you block the very thing you’re trying to bring into your life.

And the part we don’t see is that same effort is usually the reason it doesn’t happen.

I’m not a mystical person. I’m pragmatic to the core. I don’t buy into moon phases or the supernatural.

But I can’t deny this: every time I’ve truly let go, the things I wanted started showing up — often in ways I could never have predicted.

At this point in my life, I’ve seen more of the things I’ve been wanting for over 30 years finally show up through letting go than I ever did in three decades of all-out effort, grinding, obsessing, hustling, or chasing strategy after strategy.

That’s not a coincidence. That’s life showing me a “fundamental truth”.

Doing the Opposite

Life has a way of teaching me that the answer I’ve been searching for is usually the opposite of what I thought I needed to do.

So now, that's why I don’t kill myself chasing dreams or goals. I don’t obsess over timelines or grind myself into exhaustion trying to control outcomes.

Instead, I focus on patience. I trust that what I want will deliver itself when the timing is right.

When I start feeling that tinge of fear welling up — fear of being behind, or the shame of not being enough, or just about anything that makes me anxious, I, again, use my self-awareness to catch it.

I tell myself:“Nope. We’re not doing this. This is my old pattern trying to worm its way back in.”

And then I remind myself:“Be still... Let it go. This anxiety is lying to you. It’s just a false alarm telling you to take action right now — and rushing is exactly how you screw things up.”

Inspired Action vs. Desperate Action

I wait until I can take calm, inspired action — action that moves me forward without shame being the driver.

Returning that tool I borrowed from my neighbor two weeks ago? If I rush to do it out of guilt because I forgot to do it sooner, I’ll show up panicked and self-loathing.

If I wait until I’m calm, I can just hand it over, say thanks, and move on. Same action, completely different energy. Do you see the difference?

Desperate action is only about silencing the shame voice in your head.Inspired action is about actually moving forward. One burns you out. The other builds you up.

Why This Clears the Path to Presence

When I’m still – I’m present. It’s as simple as that.

In the stillness I don’t worry about the future, or what I neglected, or who I let down. I have faith that things are happening the way they’re supposed to and whatever I should be doing will reveal itself in the calm.

There is nothing pulling me away emotionally from being able to focus on “right now”. Like I said in the lesson, this is the strongest mindset I use.

It allows me to find clarity, it allows me to calm myself when I’m feeling out of control, and most importantly it allows me to be present which is what brings me happiness.

So, my advice is: Stop chasing. Just for a while, try letting life come to you.

Do things calmly, deliberately - instead of out of desperation.

Closing: The Path You’re Really On

So here we are. You made it! Congratulations!

We’ve walked back through the tools and I’ve shown you how I use them in my life.

I hope you can see them through a similar lens as me and they will help you make a happier life for yourself.

Like I told you at the beginning of the course, these ideas are all about pointing you in the same direction – toward presence.

To recap:

Self-awareness clears away the excuses and lets you be real with yourself.
Shadow work frees you from the shame you’ve been dragging behind you.
Surrender takes the crushing weight of “someday” off your shoulders.
Targets keep you moving forward without chaining your worth to a finish line.
And manifesting — especially when paired with stillness — reminds you to stop interfering, to trust timing, and to only act when it’s from a place of peace.

Every single one of these practices clears the clutter so you can actually feel at home in the present moment.

And here’s the truth: presence isn’t just some nice spiritual buzzword.

For people with ADHD, presence is everything.

It’s where your energy is strongest, where your attention is alive, and where your sense of worth actually exists.

That’s what this course has been about from the start. Not fixing you. Not turning you into some hyper-productive machine. But giving you the tools to clear the fog so you can see what’s been waiting here all along:

You. Whole. Worthy. Present…Happiness…

So, here’s where I’ll leave you:

Keep practicing awareness.
Keep forgiving the shadow.
Keep surrendering to life instead of shame.
Keep aiming at your targets.
Keep being patient and allow life to come to you.
And when the noise gets loud again, just stop, breathe, and be still.

If you walk away from this course with nothing else, let it be this:You don’t have to earn presence. You don’t have to prove your worth first. You don’t have to hit some imaginary finish line.

So breathe. Be here. And let’s see where life takes you from here.

Lesson 3 – Bringing It All Together