The best way to start making your transformation to a better life is by asking yourself this question:

“What are you actually after in life?”

Now I know you might be thinking “well, isn’t it obvious?” Because we all "think" we want the same thing — you know, the stuff that sound like you’re reading from a motivational poster:

“I just want to be successful.”
“I want financial freedom.”
“I want to make an impact.”

And hey — all of that sounds great.But that’s not what I’m asking.

The question under the question

What I’m really asking is:

Why do you want those things?

This is where you would probably have to pause and think for a minute.

Because the truth is, for most of us, those big shiny goals are just surface-level placeholders for something deeper.

We don’t actually want “success” for the sake of having success.We want the "feeling" we think success will give us.

We think that once we get there — once we’ve earned enough money, checked off enough milestones, made enough people proud — we’ll finally get to just… be.

Be present.Be content.Be free from the endless list of things we’re “supposed” to be doing.

The “happily ever after” trap

And if you have ADHD, this idea — that you can grind for a while now so you can finally rest later — is basically a built-in booby trap.

Because we don’t do “grind for a while” very well.

Not for weeks, not for months — especially not for years — not without burning out or drifting away.

Our brains thrive on novelty and interest, not on the slow drip of delayed gratification.

So what happens?

We pick the goal. We start the climb. And then the slope gets boring, or overwhelming, or both — and we stall.

And now we’re not just tired — we’re behind. Not only on the goal, but in life itself.

Behind turns into shame.Shame turns into avoidance.Avoidance turns into, “Maybe I just need a whole new goal.”

And then the cycle starts all over again.

The part nobody tells you

Here’s the irony:You weren’t actually chasing the money, or the title, or the recognition.

You were chasing the presence you believed those things would finally buy you.

That sense of ease you imagine you’ll have when there’s nothing left you’re “supposed” to be doing.

When you’re not living under the weight of “I should be doing more.”"I should have accomplished my goals by now."

When you’re allowed to just wake up and be — no panic, no guilt, no feeling behind.

That’s the thing you’ve been after all along.

That's what it really means to finally be "happy".

Why it’s such a dangerous loop for ADHD brains

Here’s where it gets tricky for people like us:When you believe the only way of getting that presence is by “earning it” through long-term effort, you’ve basically tied your peace of mind to your weakest skill set.

It’s like saying, “I’ll let myself feel okay as soon as I flawlessly play the violin” — when you’ve never picked up a violin.

It’s not impossible, but that's a long freakin road ahead of you.

And when you add the ADHD tendency to interpret every tiny bit of difficulty as proof that "this is too much", you'll never get there...ever.

The cliff moment

Most ADHDers I know have what I call a “cliff moment” — that point where a project or path goes from “new and exciting” to “ugh, now I have to keep going?”

And the second you finally go off that cliff, the emotional cost skyrockets.

Finishing stops feeling worth it.The goal stops feeling worth it.

And if you’re like me, you might even convince yourself the whole thing was a bad idea in the first place.

But here’s the truth — that’s not laziness. That’s not you being flaky. That’s the natural crash of trying to run a marathon in a brain wired for sprints.

The shift that changes everything

What if — instead of trying to “earn” presence at the finish line — you made it the starting point?

What if you decided you were allowed to feel at peace before you hit the goal?

Before you cleaned up the mess.Before you “deserved” it.

It sounds backwards, right?Like, “How am I supposed to feel good now when the whole reason I’m doing all this is so I can feel good later?”

Here’s why:When you stop dragging the weight of shame and urgency into every step, you actually free up the energy to keep moving.

The calmer you feel now, the easier it is to do the next thing.

And when the next thing feels easier, you’re far more likely to keep going.

Success becomes the ability to take the next step instead of reaching a distant goal.

My “aha” moment with this

I didn’t figure this out because I’m some wise, Zen master of ADHD life.

I figured it out because I burned myself out — badly — chasing the fantasy that if I just worked hard enough, I’d cross this invisible line and finally “arrive”, and get to be "done".

But that line just kept getting further and further away.Every time I felt I made progress, there was still a seemingly infinite number of things that still needed to be overcome.

One day I realized I’d spent more time chasing than actually living.

And it hit me: if I kept doing things this way, I’d never get to be present or happy.

So I finally dropped the mindset that I “needed to accomplish something first", and started looking for ways to have it now regardless of where I am in life or what's been finished.

Why we’re starting here in this course

I want you to see this now, at the very beginning of our work together, because it changes how we approach everything else we’re going to do.

We’re not going to run on the old formula of “hustle now so you can breathe later.”

We’re going to start breathing now.

We’re going to find ways to lighten the emotional load first — because that’s the only way an ADHD brain can keep walking without burning out halfway through.

This isn’t about abandoning ambition.

It’s about not tying your peace of mind to whether you hit your next deadline or reach your next income bracket.

Your quiet moment (no lists required)

We need to start getting our brains used to being present. You've spent so much time focused on the future, you probably feel guilty whenever you have a present moment and you push it aside.

So here’s what I want you to do — not as homework, but just as a little experiment:

Sometime in the next day or two, take a few quiet minutes to think back to the last time you remember truly feeling present.

Maybe it was a gut laugh with someone you love, or maybe it was a bowling night with your old high school buddies. It doesn't matter, it just needs to be a time where you wished life could be like this all of the time.

What were you doing?Who were you with?

What was different about that moment that allowed you to let everything else go?

Once you’ve got it in your mind, notice this:That feeling you had?

It wasn’t dependent on everything in your life being perfect.
It wasn’t waiting for you to check every box.
It was available to you then, and it’s available to you now.

Because here’s the truth:

Presence isn’t a prize you win after you've conquered everything in life.

It’s the ground you stand on so you can actually get somewhere without "needing" to reach a destination.

And in the next lesson, we’re going to talk about how that shift — from chasing presence to starting with it — can actually be the thing that gets you moving forward — and turn the entire ADHD “I’m behind” narrative on its head.

Lesson 2 – Do You Really Know What You’re After?

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