A few weeks ago, I went to a sporting event with a friend of mine who also has ADHD.

We were maybe halfway through the first half — people laughing, food in hand, great energy in the air. And then, out of nowhere, he leans over and says, “I have to leave early. I’m getting up at 3 a.m. to go running.”

Now, don’t get me wrong — I respect commitment.

But in that moment, we weren’t on a couch binge-watching TV for the fifth night in a row. We were in it. We were having fun, sharing a rare slice of presence in the middle of busy lives.

And yet, he couldn’t stay there.

His mind had already skipped ahead three steps, away from the actual moment, toward the next item on his list.

I remember consciously thinking “holy shit” that is totally something I would have done a few years ago.

It’s a classic ADHD move — and we usually don’t see ourselves doing it.

We believe we’re being “disciplined” or “driven,” but what’s really happening is that we can’t stop sprinting toward the next thing… even when we’re already somewhere worth being.

The Invisible Rule We All Learned Early

From the time we’re kids, we learn from having ADHD that the only way to be “enough” is to keep moving. Keep chasing. Keep improving.

If we’re not doing that, we feel guilty because we have to "prove" that we are capable of accomplishing just as much as the neurotypical kids…(not just to them, but to ourselves as well)

And if the moment we are “in” doesn’t feel like it’s moving us forward fast enough? We "have" to ditch it for something shinier, more urgent, more “productive.”

This is the default operating system for most of us with ADHD:

Constant forward motion.No pause button.No satisfaction until we “arrive.”But like I said before — you never arrive.

Why Chasing Feels Safer Than Stopping

If you’ve spent your life chasing success, money, or achievement, here’s something we touched on before — but this time, I need you to feel the full weight of it:

Remember, the only reason you ever wanted those things in the first place was to finally feel secure, peaceful, and alive in the moment.

You told yourself, Once I get there, I can relax.

But let me save you a few decades:It doesn’t work.

You never cross that finish line. Not because it’s moving, but because you constantly start over before you get even close.

The solution you probably never considered is to do the opposite of what you’ve been doing:

Learn to have the peace that presence brings on a day-to-day basis — without waiting for the mythical “someday.”

And no, I’m not talking about pausing to smell the flowers or doing a random mindfulness exercise in the middle of your chaos.

That’s fluffy “hippie” shit, not a solution.

I'm talking about simply getting off the treadmill to nowhere you've been on.

Stop looking for the "next" thing you "should" be doing and allow yourself the grace of being okay with whatever you're doing right now.

If it's something productive — Great! You've got no reason to be worrying about the next thing.

And if it's something enjoyable — Great! You've earned it, take it while it lasts.

How long have you been making plans, stressing about the "next thing", grinding for years… and how much actual progress has that mindset gotten you?

If you’re honest, probably not much. Right?

Why?Because that frantic forward motion isn’t building momentum — it’s burning you out in circles.

You push too hard, flame out, start over, and repeat.

The ADHD Discipline Myth

Circling back to my friend to illustrate the point:

It wasn’t that he wasn't enjoying the game. It’s that in his mind, he hadn’t "earned" the right to stay and enjoy this moment.

He needed to "do more" and be "further along" in life before he could accept this "reward".

I’m not sure what his “destination” in life is. But I’m sure that, in his mind, getting up at 3 a.m. to run was simply part of the “mental discipline” he thought he needed to reach it.

Regardless — it certainly mattered more than the moment he was already in.

But that is the trap we tend to fall into. It’s really easy to believe that to do hard things, we have to “learn” how to do hard things. Unfortunately for ADHDers it’s wrong.

When Effort Turns Against You

In reality, what he was really doing is sabotaging himself.

With ADHD, most things are already harder to sustain. We burn out faster, lose interest quicker, and struggle to follow through even when we want to.

So when we buy into this “make it harder to make myself stronger” logic, we’re just adding unnecessary weight to the load we’re already struggling to carry.

In his case, forcing himself to go to bed early so he could wake up at 3 a.m. wasn’t going to be a lifelong habit — it was a short-term stunt that would collapse under its own weight.

And when it did, he’d end up feeling like a failure all over again.

Layer that on top of everything else he was already dealing with — addiction recovery, relationship issues, financial stress — and it’s a perfect example of how we think we’re building discipline, but really, we’re just draining ourselves dry.

The answer?Lighten the load.

Stop making your life harder under the illusion that it will “toughen you up.”

This isn’t about abandoning dreams — it’s about removing the unnecessary struggle you’ve convinced yourself is required to reach them.

The Permission You Didn’t Know You Needed

Here’s the thing:You’re allowed to make this shift.

Nobody is standing over your shoulder making you sprint toward exhaustion.

That pressure? That’s you, doing it to yourself.

And I get it — it feels like if you slow down, you’ll fall behind.

But the truth is, you can’t move forward at all if you can’t breathe.

So slow down. Ease up. Let yourself enjoy where you are, even in small bursts, without feeling like you’re breaking some sacred rule of success.

You don’t need to “earn” presence. You just need to stop blocking it.

How to Break the Pattern Without Breaking Yourself

Slowing down doesn’t mean doing nothing.

It means taking the energy you’ve been burning on constant urgency and redirecting it into things that actually matter — right now.

If you feel that urge to drop what you’re doing because it’s “not productive enough,” pause and ask:

Am I leaving because this moment isn’t valuable — or because I’ve convinced myself there’s something more urgent?

Is this next thing truly critical, or just another lap on the treadmill?

You don’t have to make a huge life overhaul today. Just start noticing where you’re cutting off moments before they can give you anything back.

That awareness is the first crack in the loop.

So Here’s Where We Are

Please understand, the point isn’t just to convince you to “enjoy the moment.”

The real takeaway is recognizing how your brain constantly runs in “what’s next” mode — always chasing, always trying to catch up — and in the process, you never actually allow yourself to be present.

Success first— then peace — is a scam for us.

Because with ADHD, your finish line always moves, and peace moves right along with it.

What we’re doing here flips the script:Peace first — then success.

And it’s not magic — it’s just that when you’re not drowning in shame, urgency, and “I should be further along by now,” you finally have the energy and focus to start something and see it through.

That’s what feels good.That’s what creates real presence.That’s what keeps you moving forward without burning out.

So for the rest of this course, that’s the focus — stripping away the shame, guilt, and pressure.

Because when you’re lighter, calmer, and clearer, you’ll naturally have the bandwidth to make progress — and that progress will keep you anchored in the very peace you were chasing in the first place.

Where we're headed next

I'm going to show you some hidden things about life that you've probably never thought of before— the kind of things that, once you spot them, you can’t unsee.

There are patterns, beliefs, and habits quietly shaping your life without you even realizing it.

Once you understand what’s really been steering the ship, you can choose a different course — one that feels lighter, calmer, and way more like the life you actually want.

lesson 3 – Why Slowing Down Isn’t Lazy – It’s The Only Way Forward