Part 1: False Belief — "I Just Need Better Goals"

The First Step? Kill the Thing That’s Killing You

Okay — you’re ready to start living differently. You’re on board with letting go. You’re tired of punishing yourself, chasing some fantasy life that never arrives, and you want a new way forward.

So where do we begin?

Let me tell you the first thing you need to do — and it’s going to sound insane at first:

You need to eliminate your long-term goals.

That’s right.Not manage them.Not revise them.Not set “smarter” ones.Eliminate them.

Because for people with ADHD, long-term goals aren’t just unhelpful —

They are a slow, daily poison.

The Fantasy That Keeps You Miserable

See, long-term goals work fine for people who don’t suffer through life.

You know the ones — the neurotypicals who practically bounce out of bed and go about their day high-fiving their own to-do lists like life is one big productivity party. They’re checking boxes, building momentum, stacking wins.

Honestly, it makes me sick. And jealous.

Because for them, setting a goal and working toward it is energizing.But for us?

It’s soul-crushing.

We try. We really do. But the dopamine never shows up. The shame always does. And what starts as a “vision for the future” turns into a 24/7 guilt trip you can’t escape.

The Shame Loop Hiding in Every Goal

Now, I know we’ve already talked a lot about shame in earlier chapters.But I’m bringing it up again here for a reason — because shame is baked into the very structure of long-term goals.

Here’s how it happens:

You set a big, idealistic goal.
You run out of motivation (because that’s how your brain works).
You miss the mark.
You feel like a failure.
Shame kicks in.
Then you do it again… and again… and again.

The problem with long term goals is that by definition they are something that needs to be “met”; which means if you don’t hit them exactly when and where you want, you failed.

Combine this with a history of these unmet goals, add a sprinkle of negative expectations, a little bit of “oh, what’s the point”, and you’ve baked yourself a nice big Shame cake.

And seeing as how we’ve gone through so much effort to make this cake, we might as well just eat it…

Every day… for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

The shame has got to stop if you want to move forward in your life.

Getting where you want to be isn’t the answer, you have to kill the shame before it gets a chance to live. The practice of trying to outwrestle it with new goals and disciplined effort is just making things exponentially worse.

It has to stop.And it stops by letting go — not just of the goal…But of the whole mindset that told you it was your only shot at happiness.

Part 2: Truth – You Don’t Need Goals. You Need Targets.

Let’s say it plainly:

Long-term goals are killing you.

Not because they’re too big. Not because you’re too lazy.But because the structure itself is broken — especially for a brain like yours.

Here’s why:

A goal is binary. You hit it, or you don’t.And if you don’t? No matter how close you got, no matter how much effort you made, no matter how far you came from where you started — it still feels like a failure.

Worse… it reinforces the idea that you are a failure.

Now I want you to pause and let that settle in.

All those times you said:

“Well, I didn’t hit the goal, so I guess I blew it.”“I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be by now.”“Why do I even bother?”

You weren’t just reflecting on the goal.You were assigning value to yourself.

That’s the invisible damage. That’s the part we miss.

And it’s why I want you to throw out the whole system — and replace it with something radically different:

Not goals. Targets.

The Power of a Target: A Whole New Frame

Let’s break it down.

A target, by definition, is something you aim at. It’s not about guaranteeing a hit — it’s about direction, not destination. The whole point is to take your best shot and see how close you can get.

It’s progress-focused, not perfection-focused.It creates movement, not measurement.It rewards effort — not just results.

Can you feel the shift in pressure already?

Imagine you’re trying to make a million dollars.As a goal? That’s suffocating. You make $5,000 and it feels like you haven’t even started.But as a target? That same $5,000 becomes a bullseye on the outer ring. It’s a win. It’s momentum. It’s proof that you took the shot.

And with ADHD? That feeling matters more than anything.

We don’t run on delayed gratification.We don’t get a dopamine drip from slow progress toward a distant outcome.

But when we feel motion — when we feel ourselves moving — we stay alive. We stay engaged. We start to believe again.

That’s what a target gives you:The right angle to measure your life by.

Close Counts

Here’s a truth that might sound radical at first:

Sometimes “close” is just as good — or even better — than “perfect.”

In school, we’re taught to chase A’s. To shoot for 100%.But in real life, close gets you in the room.Close builds experience. Close opens doors you didn’t even know existed.Close gives you permission to keep trying — instead of quitting in shame.

And honestly? Most people who “make it” in life didn’t hit their original goal either.They just kept shooting at the target.They adjusted. They evolved. They stayed in motion.

That’s all I’m asking you to do.Set a direction. Choose a target.Start walking that way, and see what happens.

Because when the pressure of perfection is gone, you don’t just perform better — you feel better.

And when you feel better, everything else in your life starts working again.

Part 3: Lightbulb Moment — The Power of Small, Daily Wins

So after everything I just said about goals… I’m about to throw a curveball at you.

Because some goals?

Some goals are actually good.

The difference comes down to one thing: timeframe.

The Catch: Only If They're Very, Very Short

For us ADHDers, short-term goals — I mean really short-term, like something you can finish today — are incredibly helpful.

In fact, they might be the most useful tool you have in your entire arsenal.

Why?

Because these types of short-term goals actually set you up to win. They give you a clear pass/fail moment in a tight window that’s manageable. And for ADHD brains, that “win” is like snorting a line of dopamine.

It’s fast. It’s powerful. And it makes us want to come back for more.

Aim at the Bullseye, One Day at a Time

As you move toward your long-term target, the most effective way to make consistent progress is to set one or two small goals each day.

This is one of my most powerful strategies to keep the spiral of shame, guilt, and self-loathing from taking over. Because you know exactly how that feels. And this helps shut it down before it even starts.

Now — I get it.You're probably already rolling your eyes thinking "Ugh, a plan?"

Let me stop you right there.

ADHD people hate feeling boxed into a schedule — I hate that shit too. That’s not what this is.

This isn’t some color-coded life spreadsheet.This is just you picking one or two small things each day to aim at.That’s it.

The Trick: Make Them So Easy You Can’t Fail

And here’s where the magic really kicks in:

Make your daily goals easy.I mean ridiculously easy.

Make them so simple at first that your brain actually believes you can do it without a meltdown.

You want your brain to start expecting wins again. Not failure. Not disappointment. Wins.

As you build that momentum, sure — you can gradually make the goals more meaningful. But always keep them in the easy-to-win category. Because here’s the trap:

Your ADHD will eventually try to sabotage this with a voice that says,“You can do more!”

Don't listen to that voice.You can do more — sure — but not yet.Or at least, not every day.

We are time blind.We are task blind.We think we can cram an entire semester into a single night. (Been there.)

So whatever you think you can do? Cut it in half.

If you breeze through it and feel good? Awesome. Do more. But keep the original target light — and when you go beyond it, it’ll feel like a bonus. Like you’re getting ahead, not catching up.

That’s dopamine you didn’t even see coming.

The Guilt Is What’s Killing You

Here’s the part I don’t want you to miss:

And I want you to start appreciating your efforts as seeing “progress made today”, not “progress made toward my life’s goal”.

Having that destination so far down the road you can’t even see it is literally destroying your life.

Stop measuring the distance you still have to go and instead turn around and see how far you’ve come.

Stop giving a shit where you are going. Progress is progress. You will be happy with whatever success you achieve as it reveals itself on your journey.

Look, I know — deep down — you’re a good person and you are holding yourself to this standard because you feel like the pain and sacrifice is a virtue.

You think you have to earn your worth.

But the people who you are doing this for don’t want to see you suffer.

You think your friends, your partner, your family — they’re all waiting for some future version of you who “finally gets it together.”

But they’re not.

They just want you.They want you happy.They want you to see what they already see.

This Is Where You Live Now

I know it’s hard to let go of that long-term goal.You’ve been holding onto it for so long, it’s like taking a teddy bear from a child.But I want you to shift your focus — not to give up, but to live by the eternal truth we talked about in the last lesson.

Contentment is really all you’re after, and you can have it right this second. All you have to do is let go of the things that are bringing you pain.

Let today be enough.

Use this target strategy to release your obligation to that big life-crushing goal.

That’s the place I’m trying to take you.

This doesn’t mean giving up on moving forward — it just means replacing the system with something that actually honors your desire to be a better you – and lets you feel it today instead of some fantasy point in time that may never come.

And here’s the bonus:

It’s still a path to everything you want — it just looks different than you expected.

Stack one brick today. Then another tomorrow. And pat yourself on the back the whole way.

Feel like a superhero each day for showing up and taking one more step.That’s your new home now — one day at a time, one win at a time, with joy and curiosity leading the way.

The success will come; it just won’t be what you pictured.

And trust me:

Wherever this new path takes you will be way more meaningful — and far more surprising — than that old goal you made up years ago.

Solution: Stop Setting Goals – Aim For Something Better