Part 1: False Belief — “If I Ignore It, It’ll Go Away”

"The truth is like poetry, and people fucking hate poetry."— overheard at a Washington, D.C. bar, quoted in The Big Short

That quote is how the movie The Big Short opens — a perfect punch in the gut from the writer/director Adam McKay. It’s sharp, ironic, and sets the tone for everything that follows.

And yeah… I’m borrowing it. Because it fits perfectly here.

In the movie, the quote was about how people go out of their way to ignore the obvious — truths about the economy, about corruption, about systems breaking down in plain sight.

But here’s where it hits even deeper for us:

It’s not just that we avoid truths about the world.We avoid truths about ourselves — especially the ones that hurt.

That’s what this lesson is about.It’s about facing the version of you that you don’t want to look at — the part you’d rather bury, rewrite, or pretend doesn’t exist.

Carl Jung — the Swiss psychiatrist who came up with the concept of the “Shadow” — was the first to say it out loud:

There are parts of yourself that you keep hidden, even from yourself.

And if you don’t find the courage to face them?They’ll run your life from the background.

The Shadow — And Why It Matters

Up to this point in the course, we’ve talked about self-awareness, being honest with yourself, and learning how shame has shaped your view of who you are. This next step — learning to face your shadow — is all of that, but deeper. This is where the gloves come off.

The shadow is the part of you that you try to deny.It’s the voice that says:

“You’re lazy.”
“You’re selfish.”
“You’re a failure and always will be.”

It’s the part of you that reacts with anger when someone (even gently) calls out a shortcoming.It’s the thing you did twenty years ago that you pretend didn’t happen.It’s the pain you’ve never dealt with because even looking at it would crack the mask you’ve built to protect yourself.

And let’s be honest — if you have ADHD, your shadow’s probably screaming.Because ADHD doesn’t just make life hard — it makes you feel like you are what’s wrong.

When your life is a constant string of shame, missed potential, and things you meant to do but never finished… your shadow isn’t just hiding in the corner.It’s the voice narrating your whole damn day.

When Denial Becomes Survival

The truth is, this denial isn’t about arrogance — it’s about survival.Especially for ADHD brains, which are wired to ruminate, latch on, and obsess.

We all develop these weird internal coping mechanisms. For some people, it’s inflated ego. For others, it’s numbness. For many of us, it’s this desperate push to curate a version of ourselves that looks put-together — even when we’re falling apart inside.

It’s not your fault that this happened.You were probably just a kid when the coping started.But if you don’t confront it now, you’ll never get past the wall you keep slamming into every time you try to grow.

The shadow isn’t something you conquer.It’s something you acknowledge.It’s a version of you that needs to be seen, not hidden.Because the more you try to bury it, the more power it has over your life.

Part 2: Truth — Self-Destruction Isn’t Just Addiction

If you’ve ever spent time around recovery programs like AA or NA, you’ve probably heard this idea before:

“You can’t start healing until you believe you’re worth saving.”

It’s a powerful truth. But it doesn’t just apply to drug addicts or alcoholics. That core idea — that you have to believe you’re worth the effort — applies to anyone dealing with self-destruction.

And here’s the part no one really talks about:Self-destruction isn’t just about the bottle or the pills.

It can show up in a thousand quiet ways:

You chronically under-earn because you don’t think you’re valuable enough to ask for more.
You sabotage relationships before they get too deep — then tell yourself you just “don’t do intimacy.”
You set impossible standards and procrastinate until the deadline buries you.
You compare your life to everyone else's highlight reel and decide you're not good enough.

That’s still self-destruction.It’s just slower and quieter than addiction.But it’s just as brutal.

ADHD and the Shame Loop

If you’ve been following along with the course, you already know how deep shame runs in the life of someone with ADHD.

We try to do something meaningful → we fall short → we get hit with shame → and then we try to outrun that shame by doing something “easier” or distracting. That’s the ADHD loop.That’s the emotional quicksand we all know too well.

And even when we become self-aware enough to see the pattern, we still can’t stop it — because deep down, we don’t believe we’re worth saving.

We don’t believe we deserve peace. Or love. Or happiness.

So we keep punishing ourselves in subtle ways.

Recovery Isn’t Just for Addicts

Once you understand this, something huge clicks into place:

The path out of the darkness for someone with ADHD…is the same exact path someone in recovery takes.

You don’t overcome self-destruction by “trying harder.”You don’t overcome it by perfecting yourself or finally reaching some imaginary benchmark.

You overcome it by accepting who you are as enough.

You stop seeing yourself as a broken project and start seeing yourself as a human being who’s worthy — as-is.

This doesn’t mean you don’t try to grow. It doesn’t mean you don’t make changes. But it means that change doesn’t come from a place of self-hatred. It comes from self-respect.

The person who hates themselves will reach for the bottle.The person who loves their life will throw the bottle in the trash.

Same goes for the person who ghosted every client. Or ruined every good relationship. Or never followed through on anything meaningful. When you like who you are, you protect that person.

It’s Not About What You’ve Done

Let me be clear here — I know this is a controversial topic. I’m not trying to oversimplify addiction or diminish anyone’s pain. I know there’s nuance. I know there’s trauma. I know some people are up against things way deeper than a mindset shift.

But if we zoom out — the general truth still stands:

When you believe you’re worthless, you’ll act like it.When you believe you’re enough, you’ll fight to stay that way.

Your past mistakes? They don’t define your worth.Your ADHD? That doesn’t define your worth.The jobs you lost, the goals you didn’t finish, the things you still haven’t fixed?

None of it makes you less worthy.

You’ve just been conditioned to believe that it does.

The Real Measure of Worth

So let me offer a new metric.

It’s not about what you’ve done.It’s not about what you own.It’s not about whether your life looks good on paper.

The only thing that makes you a decent, worthy human being is this:

You recognize that you aren’t perfect.You can admit it to others.And you’re willing to try every day to be a little better.

That’s it.

That’s the whole game.

And if you can do that — really do it — you’re already doing better than half the world.

The Quiet Power of Vulnerability

I don’t want to go too deep into this because honestly, it could be its own course. But it’s so relevant here that I’d be doing you a disservice by skipping it.

If you’ve never heard of her, go watch two TED Talks by Brené Brown. She’s a researcher who basically cracked the code on why some people thrive and others struggle.

Her research showed that people who genuinely feel content in life all had one thing in common:

They had the ability to be vulnerable.

That means they owned their flaws. They laughed at themselves. They didn’t posture or pretend to be more than they were.Not because they lacked ambition, but because they were happy where they were. That’s what vulnerability really is — being real enough to stop performing and just let yourself be seen.

And it’s powerful as hell.

Because here’s the truth most people miss:

Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s strength.

It disarms shame.It kills ego.It lets you say, “Yep. That’s me. But I’m working on it. And I like myself anyway.”

That’s real power.

And just as a bonus? People love people who are vulnerable. It’s magnetic.Think about someone you admire — really admire. I bet they laugh at themselves. I bet they’re honest when they mess up.And yet somehow… their life works out anyway.

We look at them and say, “Man, they’ve got it all together.”But maybe the truth is, they’ve just stopped pretending they had to.

Part 3: Lightbulb Moment — Embracing the Monster: How Shadow Work Heals You

What Is Shadow Work, Really?

Let’s talk about shadow work — not as a concept, not as some therapy buzzword, but as something real. Something human. Something you already feel, even if you haven’t named it.

If you’ve come this far — if you’ve started peeling back the layers of shame, started facing the hard truths about your behavior and your identity — then this is where it all points to.

Carl Jung coined the term “the shadow” to describe the parts of us we try to push away — the impulses, traits, thoughts, memories, and experiences we reject or hide because somewhere along the way, we were taught they were wrong, shameful, or unlovable.

And here’s the thing:

They don’t disappear. They don’t go away. They don’t “heal” just because you ignore them.They wait. And they get louder. And sometimes, they start running the show from the dark.

Shadow work is the process of bringing those hidden parts into the light — not to judge them, not to erase them — but to finally understand them. To stop running. To take a breath, turn around, and say:

“I see you. You’re part of me. And I’m not ashamed of you anymore.”

When the Monster Spoke, I Knew His Voice

For most of my life, I didn’t know I had a shadow.But I definitely knew the monster.

It showed up after every failure.Every time I missed a deadline.Every time I let someone down, especially myself.

It would whisper things in a voice that sounded an awful lot like my own:

“You’re doing it again.”“Everyone sees you for what you really are.”“You don’t deserve anything better, because you’re too weak to earn it.”

It wasn’t just noise — it was personal. It was vicious. It knew exactly where to stab.

I used to fight it. Ignore it. Bargain with it. Lie to myself. Make excuses. Anything to shut it up.

But the truth is:

The more I resisted it, the stronger it got.

And the reason is painfully simple —I misunderstood who I was fighting.

The Monster Isn’t What You Think

That monster? That shame? That cruel, relentless voice?

It’s not your enemy.

It’s your wounded self.It’s you.It’s the child version of you who went unheard. Who didn’t get what they needed. Who got confused, scolded, or abandoned during moments that mattered more than anyone realized.

And they’ve been crying for you ever since.

I know that sounds dramatic, but sit with it for a second.

All the parts of yourself that you hate — the anger, the procrastination, the self-sabotage, the jealousy, the laziness — those are the scars from the times you didn’t feel safe. Or accepted. Or loved.

They don’t want to ruin your life.They’re just trying to get your attention.

And when you finally see them as the child they really are — you can stop hating them, and start holding them.

The Child on the Side of the Road

This is the image that broke me open.

That monster voice in my head wasn’t a beast after all — it was a kid.Me, as a kid.Standing on the side of the road. Alone. Scared. Covered in the dust of years of shame and rejection. Watching car after car speed past, wondering if anyone would ever stop.

That child didn’t need to be yelled at.He didn’t need to be fixed.

He needed me.

He needed the adult version of me — the one with the experience, the wisdom, the strength — to finally pull over, open the door, and say:

“I see you now. I get it. You were never a monster. You were hurting.And I’m so sorry I left you behind for so long.”

This is what shadow work feels like.

It’s not an intellectual exercise. It’s not just journaling or analyzing your bad habits.It’s emotional. It’s gutting. It’s messy and beautiful.

And most importantly — it’s redemptive.

You’re Not a Bad Person — You’re a Hurt Person

You want to know what real healing feels like?

It’s when you finally stop trying to become some idealized version of yourself… and you just turn inward and say:

“You’re enough. You’ve always been enough. Even when you messed up. Even when you failed. Even when you thought you weren’t worthy of love.”

Because if the 5-year-old version of yourself was standing in front of you, staring at you with innocent, but hurting eyes, isn’t that what you would say to them?

Of course you would.

And there’s no reason why you shouldn’t feel the same way about saying it to yourself now. You still are that child and you deserve the same forgiveness.

That is love.That is the doorway to peace.

Worthiness Isn’t Earned — It’s Reclaimed

People spend their whole lives trying to earn worthiness. Through money, success, admiration, productivity.

But the truth is — worthiness isn’t something you earn.

It’s something you remember.

You were born with it.You lost sight of it.And now, it’s time to take it back.

So when that shadow part of you speaks up again — when the guilt creeps in, when the shame stirs, when the inner critic rears its head — don’t shove it away.

Sit with it.

Picture that child. See how small they are. See how tired they are.

And then become the person they needed all along.

Wrap them up.Let them cry.Tell them:

“I’m here now. It’s okay. You didn’t deserve what happened. You’re safe now. I love you.”

Because once you’ve done that — once you’ve felt the shift — you’ll realize the monster was never real. The shame was never yours to carry.

And the version of you who’s reading this now?

That’s the version who pulls over.That’s the version who becomes whole.That’s the version who’s finally ready to go home — with all of you, in the car.

Solution: The Quiet Work of Becoming Whole